Planning a Queer + Racialized + Disabled + Neurodivergent Wedding

wedding

A collage image with splatters and ripped paper imagery


This is a blog series dedicated to planning a queer + racialized + disabled + neurodivergent Partnership Celebration (AKA a wedding)! WHEW, that's a lot to pack in one go. Join me in planning out a (rather chaotic) celebration gathering with my partner in real time!

A quick blurb about me & my partner:

My name is Ryookyung & I love they/them pronouns! I am trans/genderfluid, disabled, and living with chronic pain and fatigue. My partner and I are a queer and neurodivergent couple of Korean and Chinese background. My brain wants to go in all sorts of directions eg. our story and intros, but perhaps I'll dive more into that as we go along.

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Before we get started, The term 'bride' feels icky for me and I will not be referring to my Self as such. I also feel very meh about the word 'groom' so I will be referring to my partner as...my partner. 😆 Secondly, I am a self-diagnosed ADHD-Autistic human and my partner is diagnosed with ADHD and OCD. This is a new-ish journey that we're on and will take a lifetime to explore.

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My lifelong hyper-focus, or at least the one constant I've always come back to throughout my life is party planning, in particular: weddings. I started a Pinterest board when I was 17 or 18 years old back when Pinterest was just starting to become a thing and I've been adding to it spanning the past decade. It's very amusing to look back and see what I liked and what I was drawn to throughout the years.

a flowy, sweetheart neckline wedding gown

This is the very first wedding dress I pinned to my Pinterest board. I no longer want to wear white, but I remember being *really* into this dress.

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Why did I commit to writing a blog series about my wedding? To be very frank, I feel like I'm going fucking mad (I guess technically I am? I haven't done enough research around this term to know whether I will be using it for my Self or not. Bookmarking this for later). 😅

I feel like there's so much to do, so many details I want to pigeonhole my Self into, that I'm hyper fixating for days on end...truly, I've lost a lot of night's sleep over this despite my body's protests and feeling like utter trash from not being able to take care of my body properly like eating, drinking. And don't even get me started on how many times I held off on going to the bathroom. 🤭

I also think that I'm probably not alone in this. And I want to share the complexities, the nuances, and the real-time moments that come with wedding planning as two people who don't quite fit into the stiffly built wedding industry/institution. I'm bored of mainstream weddings; I'm much more interested, invested, and committed to learning about the infinite possibilities of human celebrations that exist beyond the mold; particularly queer, trans, Black, Indigenous, POC, disabled, neurodivergent celebrations.


soft photo of a close-up eucalyptus


I'm having real difficulty in choosing a starting point (can anyone else relate?) buuuuuut I do recall the one thing that got me started on this on this ~seriously considering it~ mode and that is...

THE DRESS.

I am a libra sun, so you can best bet I love anything ~aesthetic~. A close friend and I joke about how I sometimes sound like a libra meme page. And so, I'd been planning to rent my attire for the longest time to save on costs but when I saw this Grass Green Dress from Lirika Matoshi, I thought: this was it:

I'm hoping to build the visual aesthetic of our celebration from this dress, as it really reminds me of 청포도 (Korean shine muscat grapes) and I love the freshness of it!! I also showed my partner and he's a big fan of the pom-poms. I say this now, but I also would not be surprised if I ended up going with multiple outfits changes because I simply just love dressing up.

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I don't know what these blog post formats will be like. I suspect it will be as frequent as I have time for and remember (honouring the ADHD brain can be a difficult task, but one that I remain committed to). Also I think they'll be very casual in the beginning (aka BRAIN DUMP!) and may or may not get structured as time goes. I have so many ideas for future posts and they may be about the following topics:

  • Wedding details like dates, guest list, etc.
  • Wedding traditions I'm throwing out the window
  • Searching for non-traditional venues
  • Financial breakdown + budget
  • Wrangling spreadsheets because I both love and hate them
  • A sneak peek into my Trello board

What topics most interest you? ✨

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    Lastly, I want to add our story to the sea of wonderfully queer, disabled, neurodivergent, racialized weddings that are out there that I've been heavily referring to and leaning on for inspiration. If you're interested in unique celebrations that break away from white cis-hetero-patriarchal norms and traditions, I recommend checking out the following sites:

    Comment down below if you want to share any other "off the beaten path" blogs or wedding inspiration you've used or are using to plan your celebration!

     


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